‘Her name is probably not really Sparkle Smith’ and other lessons for NBA rookies

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I have a vague sense of what happens at the NBA Rookie Transition Program – and a better of what isn’t supposed to happen.

The league tries to educate its new players on life in the NBA, teach a few life skills and prevent issues down the road.

But what exactly does that involve?

Thanks to Sarah Lyall of The New York Times (hat tip: Barry Petchesky of Deadspin), we have a pretty good look at one segment of the program.

The advice ranges from oft-repeated (“When you walk outside the house, assume that someone is watching you”) to hypocritical (“In business, you have to fit in and you have to stand out”) to salacious (“Her name is probably not really Sparkle Smith”).

Here’s everything Lyall revealed, and it appears her notes were thorough:

I’m left with a big question: If you don’t butter your entire piece of cold bread and chomp, what do you do with it? Please help. Thanks.