Stan Van Gundy says he’d like to return as Magic coach. Right.

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There is nobody on the planet that thinks Stan Van Gundy will be back to coach the Orlando Magic next season. Not Jeff Van Gundy. Not Mrs. Van Gundy. Not the president of the Van Gundy Fan Club… actually, there is no Van Gundy fan club.

Yet, Stan Van Gundy is going through the motions. Here is what he said via the Orlando Sentinel:

“I don’t have a scenario in my head where I wouldn’t,” Van Gundy told the Orlando Sentinel after he was asked whether he wants to return. “They’re going to have to make decisions. But I’m a basketball coach and I know this: I don’t want to go anywhere else. I mean, I love Orlando, and this is where I want to be. And I want to coach.”

And I don’t have a scenario in my head where Kate Upton isn’t my girlfriend. Doesn’t make it reality.

There have been multiple reports that Van Gundy wanted Howard moved at the deadline to end the “will he/won’t he” soap opera. That didn’t happen. Now he makes a statement that essentially forces the Magic management to let him go or move Howard before next season — and he had to know the coach loses that battle every time in the NBA. So while he says he wants to stay, his actions say otherwise.

The Magic management are going to try and have everybody deal with this through their eventual playoff elimination. But if they lay an egg Saturday night against the Sixers like they did against the Knicks the other day, a decision may be forced upon them. And that decision is to fire Van Gundy and promote assistant Patrick Ewing into an impossible situation.

What. A. Mess.