Pig Miller played pretty much his entire career with a toothpick in his mouth, but suddenly Caron Butler’s straw chewing is a safety issue so big that the NBA league office needs to weigh in. Sure it is.
“I mean I am a little bitter about it. I have been doing it for eight years ever since I have been in the NBA but rules is rules and it is what it is so I am going to go back to my Mountain Dew.”
Rome then asked everyone’s first question: Why were you chewing straws in the first place? You know they invented gum, right?
“I mean I just always used to chew stuff because, one, it was traditional and another thing it just had me at ease out there. It was something that I did. A lot of people chew gum when they are playing basketball. I just always chewed my straws.”
No word yet on what his replacement chew toy will be.
The whole thing is silly — Butler has always chewed straws in the NBA. Why notice and crack down now? Clearly, the spies that David Stern has following Mark Cuban around looking for infractions were having a slow day and turned their eyes to Butler and his outlaw straws.
Hey, Stern: You may like the NFL’s economic model, but the fans don’t like the No Fun League part of it. Don’t be bringing that to the NBA.