Lost in the madness that was Thurday’s breakdown in CBA negotiations and the subsequent tommy-gunning by the union was the fact that the Board of Governors received those proposals on revenue sharing Thursday. Sometime in between evening coffee and deciding to let Paul freaking Allen and Dan freaking Gilbert be their representatives to the union (the single dumbest decision in this lockout – and I’m counting JaVale McGee denying comments he gave to reporters with recorders in front of his face and Matt Barnes shoving someone in an exhibition game), the owners heard the revenue sharing plans.
And according to Yahoo! Sports, one of them is not so good. It is a fail.
What’s more, Celtics owner Wyc Grousbeck presented a revenue-sharing plan that, sources said, left some in the room confused and uncertain. There was hardly a united front walking out of the room on how that would work, on how it would benefit the league.
You’re familiar with the Saturday Night Live sketch series involving Harry Caray, yes? (Miss you, Harry.) For this episode, allow me to bring you a rundown for this as if I were Will Ferrell. That’s right, this is me, being Will Ferrell, being Harry Caray. It’s a Saturday morning during day eleventy-billion (not a number, yet) of the lockout. What do you want from me? Forget it, I’m rolling. (At this point this post is just a pop culture reference generator. Let’s just move on.)
“HEY NORM! IF I WERE AN NBA BOARD OF GOVERNORS, YOU KNOW WHAT I’D DO? I’D ELECT THE OWNER OF ONE OF THE MOST PROFITABLE FRANCHISES WHO ALSO HOLDS A SIGNIFICANT COMPETITIVE ADVANTAGE OVER MY FELLOW OWNERS DUE TO HISTORICAL AND CULTURAL FACTORS TO PRESENT A REVENUE SHARING PLAN! MMM, I’D LOVE A PLAN PRESENTED BY A MAN WHO HAS FLIP-FLOPPED ON HIS POSITION IN THE MEETINGS IN THE LAST MONTH AND HAS NO REAL SENSE OF WHAT THE SMALL-MARKETS NEED. HEY, NORM, IF YOU WERE AN NBA SEASON, WOULD YOU EAT YOURSELF? I WOULD. I’D COVER MYSELF IN NONSENSE AND FAILURE… I’D BE DELICIOUS.”
Hey, next time, why don’t we have someone who actually needs the revenue sharing money work with someone who has the money to come up with a plan. Stick Jeanie Buss and Robert Sarver in a room and get a plan. OK, to be honest I’m just suggesting Sarver so he’s pre-occupied while negotiations continue. My next plan is to task Dan Gilbert with planning the meals for the Board of Governors for the next… let’s see… ah, yes, seventy years.