The NBA Playoffs begin Saturday as 16 teams begin their challenge for a championship. OK, only about seven of them think they actually have a chance. But still. Here’s what’s on tap today.
1 p.m. EST: Philadelphia 76ers at Chicago Bulls. The Sixers actually do really match up better with Chicago than Miami, all the numbers indicate so, but Evan Turner openly saying the Sixers were trying to face Chicago was up there with was that time I told that girl in 8th grade the reason I wanted to go out with her was because everyone said she was easy. There is no situation in which that is the right decision. And the Sixers will likely pay for it the same way, only instead of getting kicked in the crotch, the Bulls will just run up the score on them. Over/Under on minutes for Derrick Rose when the team is up by 15+ in the fourth is 8.5.
3:30 p.m. EST: New York Knicks at Miami Heat. The big one for today, as the most hyped team in the land takes on the most hyped city in the land. The Knicks are facing the Heat with what feels like their 18th different incarnation. They’ve faced them without Melo, without Stoudemire, without Jeremy Lin. Now they’ll be facing them possibly without Tyson Chandler, who has the flu. Good times! Anyway, a lot of people are doing that “I’m not saying Miami’s going to lose, but…” thing with this series which is code for “I think they’ll lose but I don’t want to look horrendously stupid if they don’t.” The Heat in all likelihood won’t lose, but NY can steal a game and set the tone today. Over/Under on Melo Isolation shots when Steve Novak is wide open in the corner, waving flaming maracas while Mariachi music plays to try and get Melo’s attention: 10.5.
7 p.m. EST Orlando Magic at Indiana Pacerzzzz No one cares about this matchup, and the Pacers will win easily. You can just cut and paste that sentence for the other three games in this series. (The Magic will now proceed to win by five in thrilling fashion. Hate you, hubris.) If you’re going to make a drinking game out of one of today’s games, this is the one. Over/Under on tequila shots you’ll need for every time Glen Davis does something which causes someone on the Magic bench to shake their head: 5.
9:30 pm. EST: Dallas Mavericks at Oklahoma City Thunder. The reigning champs start on the road versus the team they beat last year. That’s awkward. This isn’t the same Mavericks team, but they’re still dangerous. Specifically, Delonte West is back in a starting role in the playoffs, so that could be fun. Delonte West + Russell Westbrook = must-watch television. Oh, and that Durant fella and the big German guy, too. Also, Kendrick Perkins faces Brendan Haywood in a battle of one player facing an earlier/later version of himself. It’s like “Back to the Future, Part III” only with more glaring. Over/Under on Ibaka Goaltends is 2.5.