I’m not going to lie to you. Talking to Dwyane Wade in person is like being in a Tilt-A-Whirl on hallucinogenics. You’re never on stable ground, you’re not sure what’s going on, and there’s a pretty decent chance afterwards you’ll throw up from the motion. Wade is so honestly so charming, you walk away thinking you have this terrific interview only to discover that your recorder is filled with pretty much nothing but cliches and crap. Every player gives you cliches and crap, Wade manages to make you think he’s just spilled his soul to it. And to do the interview in person, you’re often times dealing with an individual who is dressed nicer than you have been or will ever be in your life.
I’m as anti-fashion as it gets. I do my best to look professional and clean, but the idea of high fashion reeks of indulgence and vanity, it’s just not something I get. Yet even I keep seeing Wade at events and pressers and going “Man, Wade’s dressed really nice.” It’s honestly a bit alarming.
So it’s no wonder that Wade did a GQ interview which sadly, features no Kobe-Bryant pilgrim hats, no outlandish costumes or concoctions. There are things to make fun of in the suit, but really, everything he wears are things you’d see him wear to a charity event or post-game. But if you’re looking for something to make fun of, I give you… Dwyane Wade as a 1970’s Bond villain!
“Hey guys! Can’t wait to see you at the disco club later! I have some fantastic new Al Green records to show you! Perhaps you can show me your go-go boots, ladies!”
So that’s Wade in the photoshoot. And really, that concludes everything interesting about the artic… oh, hello!
“Three years ago I was like, Man, I kind of want to paint my toenails black, ” Wade tells me. Were on-set at a Manhattan photo studio right now his feet are covered by striped Paul Smith socks and size 14 Jordans. “At first I thought, Nah, I can’t do that. They’re going to kill me. But eventually I decided to try it.” He went to Miami’s Mondrian hotel and asked a shocked pedicurist to give him the Marilyn Manson treatment.
“Later I was on vacation in the Bahamas with LeBron,” Wade says, laughing, “and when he saw my toes he was like, ‘Something is seriously wrong with you.’ But eventually Bron was like, ‘You know what? You’re crazy, but that’s just you.’ When I first got into the league, I tried to fit in. Now I dont care.”
Perhaps Dwyane is really trying to impress a girl from the 1990’s goth era. That’s all I can think of for this, but hey, you’re a super-rich megastar, you can do what you want.
Oh, and if you want the perfect synopsis for how the Miami Heat operate, I’ve got it for you.
“I’m on a team with LeBron James and Chris Bosh, and they both dress well,” Wade says. “It gets competitive. If I don’t bring my A game, they’re going to outshine me.”
Stunning that this team was accused of lacking focus at any point last season.