New York Knicks Media Day 2010

If we can stop laughing, we’ll tell you about the Heat being interested in Eddy Curry

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We’re going to get through this with a straight face. Or at least as far as we can. You ready?

Yahoo! Sports reports Saturday that the Miami Heat are strongly considering signing free agent center Eddy Curry to help with the playoff run.

… Hold it in.

Curry played, well, was on roster for the Knicks for five seasons, appearing in 222 games across that span (I’ll let you do the math). A combination of weight issues, injuries, weight issues, personal problems, and weight issues kept him from seeing much time and eventually his contract became the largest behemoth around the neck of the Knicks, and came to symbolize the failure of the Isiah Thomas era. But after being waived this season, Curry went to Chicago to work with Tim Grover. Estimates are that in just a few weeks, Curry has lost close to 25 pounds.

He is still reported to be close to 350 pounds.

Seriously, serious news story here. Don’t distract us.

To make room for Curry, the Heat would likely cut second round pick Dexter Pittman, who has seen almost no time this season, despite having quite the hefty frame himself and showing some potential in preseason in areas Curry might suffer in, like… dexterity. And freedom of movement. And cholesterol.

Sorry. Won’t happen again.

The Heat do need a center upgrade. Even adding Erick Dampier hasn’t solved their problems down low, and an effective Curry might be the difference in staving off some of the Eastern elite like Boston and Chicago…

I can’t do it anymore.

It’s Eddy Curry, for crying out loud. It’s great that he’s trying to get back in shape. It’s awesome that he’s lost 25 pounds. Him recovering and having any semblance of a career after what he’s gone through in his personal life over the past few years would be a remarkable story. And surely, Pat Riley used washed-up veterans like Antoine Walker and Gary Payton in 2006 to help the Heat win a title. But it’s Eddy Curry. He was never that talented to begin with, and the weight issues only further complicate that. When word leaked out that Curry was hopeful to sign with Miami, everyone laughed it off, saying how not even Miami was that desperate.

Turns out Miami is exactly that desperate.

What’s odd is why they don’t give Pittman at least a shot. A big, slightly overweight rookie who can come in and provide energy? Isn’t  taking a chance on a player like that exactly how the Celtics got Glen “Big Baby” Davis? Instead the Heat continue to be obsessed with veterans, particularly ones three to four years past their prime. If this doesn’t work out, and we mean in a big way, it’s going to be a pretty huge mark against Pat Riley. Signing the Big 3? Stroke of genius. Everything after that? Nothing but gristle.

Sorry. Couldn’t help it.

Update 4:51 p.m.: The Palm Beach Post spoke to Riley who said he worked out several players in Chicago, that it was a “big picture look” and that anything beyond that is purely speculative. Maybe, some sense in a world gone mad? Possibly?

Report: Bulls’ Cristiano Felicio ‘strong favorite’ to replace Anderson Varejao on Brazilian Olympic team

CHICAGO, IL - FEBRUARY 19: Cristiano Felicio #6 of the Chicago Bulls looks to pass against the Toronto Raptors at the United Center on February 19, 2016 in Chicago, Illinois. The Bulls defeated the Raptors 116-106. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and or using the photograph, User is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. (Photo by Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images)
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Warriors center Anderson Varejao will miss the Rio Olympics due to a back injury.

Where will Team Brazil turn now?

Likely to Bulls center Cristiano Felicio.

Marc Stein of ESPN:

Felicio came on strong late last season. He puts his 6-foot-10, 275-pound frame to good use protecting the paint and rebounding. He showed potential as passer and mid-range shooter, too.

At age 24, he’s a candidate to break out in the Olympics.

If he’s not ready, Brazil can turn to a steady veteran at center, Nene.

Report: Equipment staffer punched by Blake Griffin no longer works for Clippers

Los Angeles Clippers forward Blake Griffin stands on the court as equipment manager Matias Testi, left, stands behind the bench during the second half of an NBA basketball game, Thursday, Feb. 18, 2016, in Los Angeles. Griffin broke his hand last month when he punched Testi in the face. The Clippers won 105-86. (AP Photo/Mark J. Terrill)
AP Photo/Mark J. Terrill
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Blake Griffin broke his hand punching Clippers equipment manager Matias Testi in January.

Make that former Clippers equipment manager Matias Testi.

TMZ:

The L.A. Clippers equipment staffer who was punched in the face by Blake Griffin during a fight in Toronto earlier this year is off the team — and will NOT be back for the ’16/’17 season … TMZ Sports has learned.

We spoke with a rep for the Clippers who confirmed Matias Testi “no longer works for the team.”

#Family

Writer recants report of Kevin Durant telling Russell Westbrook he’d re-sign with Thunder

OAKLAND, CA - MARCH 03:  Kevin Durant #35 and Russell Westbrook #0 of the Oklahoma City Thunder talk to head coach Billy Donovan during their game against the Golden State Warriors at ORACLE Arena on March 3, 2016 in Oakland, California.  NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and or using this photograph, User is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement.  (Photo by Ezra Shaw/Getty Images)
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The report that Kevin Durant told Russell Westbrook he’d re-sign with the Thunder before choosing the Warriors?

Never mind.

Royce Young of ESPN:

I misspoke in saying that Durant specifically told Westbrook he was coming back.

Warriors/Brazil center Anderson Varejao to miss Olympics with back injury

LONDON, ENGLAND - JULY 31: Dan Clark #13 of Great Britain shoots over Anderson Varejao #11 of Brazil in the Men's Basketball Preliminary Round match between Great Britain and Brazil on Day 4 of the London 2012 Olympic Games at Basketball Arena on July 31, 2012 in London, England.  (Photo by Christian Petersen/Getty Images)
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OAKLAND, Calif. (AP) — Center Anderson Varejao will miss the Olympics for host Brazil because of a herniated disc in his lower back.

The Golden State Warriors announced the injury Wednesday and say that Varejao should be ready for the start of training camp but will not be healthy enough to play in the Olympics. Varejao recently experienced back pain while training with the Brazilian National Team and returned to California to be examined by Dr. Robert Watkins earlier this week.

Varejao averaged 2.6 points and 2.3 rebounds in 22 games after signing with the Warriors on Feb. 22. He re-signed with the team earlier this month.