If we can stop laughing, we’ll tell you about the Heat being interested in Eddy Curry

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We’re going to get through this with a straight face. Or at least as far as we can. You ready?

Yahoo! Sports reports Saturday that the Miami Heat are strongly considering signing free agent center Eddy Curry to help with the playoff run.

… Hold it in.

Curry played, well, was on roster for the Knicks for five seasons, appearing in 222 games across that span (I’ll let you do the math). A combination of weight issues, injuries, weight issues, personal problems, and weight issues kept him from seeing much time and eventually his contract became the largest behemoth around the neck of the Knicks, and came to symbolize the failure of the Isiah Thomas era. But after being waived this season, Curry went to Chicago to work with Tim Grover. Estimates are that in just a few weeks, Curry has lost close to 25 pounds.

He is still reported to be close to 350 pounds.

Seriously, serious news story here. Don’t distract us.

To make room for Curry, the Heat would likely cut second round pick Dexter Pittman, who has seen almost no time this season, despite having quite the hefty frame himself and showing some potential in preseason in areas Curry might suffer in, like… dexterity. And freedom of movement. And cholesterol.

Sorry. Won’t happen again.

The Heat do need a center upgrade. Even adding Erick Dampier hasn’t solved their problems down low, and an effective Curry might be the difference in staving off some of the Eastern elite like Boston and Chicago…

I can’t do it anymore.

It’s Eddy Curry, for crying out loud. It’s great that he’s trying to get back in shape. It’s awesome that he’s lost 25 pounds. Him recovering and having any semblance of a career after what he’s gone through in his personal life over the past few years would be a remarkable story. And surely, Pat Riley used washed-up veterans like Antoine Walker and Gary Payton in 2006 to help the Heat win a title. But it’s Eddy Curry. He was never that talented to begin with, and the weight issues only further complicate that. When word leaked out that Curry was hopeful to sign with Miami, everyone laughed it off, saying how not even Miami was that desperate.

Turns out Miami is exactly that desperate.

What’s odd is why they don’t give Pittman at least a shot. A big, slightly overweight rookie who can come in and provide energy? Isn’t  taking a chance on a player like that exactly how the Celtics got Glen “Big Baby” Davis? Instead the Heat continue to be obsessed with veterans, particularly ones three to four years past their prime. If this doesn’t work out, and we mean in a big way, it’s going to be a pretty huge mark against Pat Riley. Signing the Big 3? Stroke of genius. Everything after that? Nothing but gristle.

Sorry. Couldn’t help it.

Update 4:51 p.m.: The Palm Beach Post spoke to Riley who said he worked out several players in Chicago, that it was a “big picture look” and that anything beyond that is purely speculative. Maybe, some sense in a world gone mad? Possibly?

Lakers’ without Kentavious Caldwell-Pope for opener due to DUI suspension

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LOS ANGELES — This isn’t new news, but a lot of NBA fans forgot it.

Last June the NBA suspended then Pistons now Lakers guard two games for “pleading guilty to operating a motor vehicle while intoxicated, in violation of the law of the State of Michigan.” Those were to be the first two games of next season — the Clippers game Thursday followed by the Suns Friday.

Lakers coach Luke Walton played it close to the vest, not revealing who would start at the two in KCP’s place. The most logical answer may be Jordan Clarkson, but Walton likes him creating shots with the second unit. Other options are limited, they could go small with backup point guard Tyler Ennis or big with Corey Brewer. (Josh Hart might have been the best call, but the rookie is out with a sore Achilles.

Whoever starts it will be a blow to the defense-starved Lakers to be without their best perimeter defender.

This summer, after landing Avery Bradley, the Pistons chose to renounce the rights to Caldwell-Pope, setting him free into what was a difficult market. Even for a good wing defender who hit 35 percent from three last season, when the market dried up so did the chance for a decent multi-year deal. The Lakers grabbed him for one-year at $18 million.

Caldwell-Pope’s agent is Rich Paul, who happens to be LeBron James‘ agent (and he’s a free agent next summer), but whatever the ulterior motives this was a good signing by the Lakers. If KCP works out this season for them they would be in the driver’s seat to re-sign him next summer (although the Lakers would not have his Bird rights).

Thunder reveal “Hoodie Melo” hoodies before Knicks game (PHOTO)

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Ah yes, Hoodie Melo. The new, improved version of Carmelo Anthony that is much better than the old one, mostly because he isn’t playing for the New York Knicks. Also, he is often seen wearing a hooded sweatshirt.

Of course, as is often the case in the NBA, when a cultural phenomenon comes along there’s often plan to make money off of it following close behind. That appears to be the case here, as the Thunder announced special Hoodie Melo sweatshirts that were selling before the game against the New York Knicks on Thursday.

The sweatshirts mimic the style of a popular Jordan brand logo, Carmelo’s shoe sponsor.

Via Twitter:

Carmelo stayed true to form throughout the warm-up session before the game, taking to the floor during lineups wearing — you guessed it — a hoodie.

Of course, there was lots of intrigue during the Thursday night game between Anthony and his former team, with the first points of his career coming in Oklahoma City looking like this:

Long live Hoodie Melo. May his brand forever beat forecasted sales numbers.

Warriors unveil sweet new uniforms (photo)

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The Warriors might not have Draymond Green against the Pelicans tomorrow, but Golden State will have these awesome jerseys:

Fresh. To. Death.

Devin Harris’ brother dies in car accident

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Just awful news for Devin Harris.

Eddie Sefko of The Dallas Morning News

The brother of Mavericks’ guard Devin Harris died Thursday afternoon after an early-morning crash on Central Expressway, officials said.

According to police, at about 1:40 a.m. Thursday morning Bruce Harris, 38, and a 36-year-old male passenger were in their disabled vehicle in the north bound lane of Central Expressway just south of Walnut Hill. A 23-year-old male driver of an Acura sedan and a 23-year-old male passenger were traveling north bound on Central Expressway and struck the back of the disabled vehicle. The impact caused the gas tank of the disabled vehicle to rupture and catch fire. All occupants were transported to Presbyterian Hospital.