If, for some reason, you’re not so inclined, here’s the source material. We tried to stick to the rhyme scheme, but I’m like “The Jerk” in terms of rhythm.
‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through “The A,”
I was straining and searching for someting to say;
The Celtics had proven that they were the best,
While Laker fans continued to puff up their chests;
The Heat were all comfy, snuggled in beds;
While visions of delusion danced in their head ;
And I in my mom’s basement listening to rap,
Was wondering what could fill the Christmas eve gap,
When out in Sacramento there arose such a clatter,
But no one did notice for the Kings do not matter.
Still I pondered the league and all of its might,
While wondering if the union would last through the night.
Thabeet it appears could be on the go
And yet of the Grizzlies, still no one would know,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But David Stern bringing such games full or cheer,
With Heat-Lakers, Celts-Magic, and a few teams that are quick,
St. Stern had given us such great games to pick.
Orlando just traded to spark up a flame,
Hoping new blood would bring up their game;
“Now, ‘Renas! now, Hedo! now, JRich and Redick!
On, JWill! on Bass! on, Jameer and Malik!
To the top of the arc! To the top of the key!
But don’t let them foul Dwight, his free throws aren’t free!”
As King James before the transition dunk fly,
When on defense he manages to stick with his guy,
So up top of the rankings the Celtics flew,
With Donkey and Shrek and conductor Shaq too.
And then, in a twinkling, I thought of Roy, so aloof
The fretting and freaking about a bad hoof.
“Surely” I thought, “the Warriors can stick!”,
And then I remembered David Lee tossing bricks.
Then I thought about Kevin Durant and yelled “Woot!”,
As he continues to leave his opponents in soot;
A bundle of joy now that Melo’s back,
But which team does he play for? I’ve kind of lost track .
Amar’e eyes — how they twinkled! His jersey now blue-ish!
A star power forward, and to top it, he’s Jewish!
Phil’s droll little mouth has drawn up like a bow,
Even as fines will be given, you know;
The snarl of a champion Kobe holds in his teeth,
While Pau asks for the ball and we all say “Good grief!”;
Still the Lakers are champs, and long may they reign,
Because sometimes, to be honest, LeBron’s just a pain.
But as Bryant and James on the hardwood do meet,
We’re reminded that this time in the league’s kind of neat;
Lakers and Heat, Celts are Orlando bound,
Nugs-Thunder and one more when you’re unwound;
The Blazers are injured, the Dubs kind of suck,
But when you have a set schedule, then this is your luck.
But to start the day I thought that they chose,
A fine opponent for Chicago, and with it, DRose;
For while Rondo’s awesome and CP3 gets a whistle,
Among point guards as knives, Derrick Rose is a pistol.
And so I laid back, happy tomorrow’s feast,
“Happy Christmas to all, man, Blake Griffin’s a beast.”
All of us at NBCSports.com’s ProBasketballTalk want to wish you and yours a very happy and safe holiday season. Thanks for reading.