Meet Jonathan Lee Riches. He’s a bit of a legend (in the urban sense) of the legal and penal systems.
His claim to fame is not the simple wire fraud that has him behind bars. See, what Riches likes to do is file lawsuits from his prison cell. Handwritten screeds that are filled with courts and go after damages from the famous. Really, you aren’t famous until Riches has sued you. Among those who have had to have a lawyer look at this are are George Bush, Martha Stewart, Steve Jobs, Michael Vick, even Somali pirates (who may need to be subpoenaed to appear).
Well, welcome to the club Dwyane Wade, Carmelo Anthony, Mark Cuban and Jerry Buss. The Dallas Observer read through the lawsuit and gave us some of the choice bits (all via Deadspin).
Carmelo Anthony told me he is going to kill me … I was his former boyfriend and we were in a sexual relationship in 2000 (Anthony was going to go after Riches because of the tell all book Riches is writing … honestly I might read that book).
Mark Cuban stole my credit cards and tried to buy the Texas Rangers with my money. Mark Cuban assaulted me serving ice cream at Dairy Queen.
Jerry Buss sold me Jeannie Buss on eBay and I was promised a Lakers janitor job when I get out of prison for less than minimum wage.
Obviously, these are all not true. I know you just said “duh” but there are people who buy the Globe in the checkout line at the grocery store and believe its every word like we’re in Men in Black. So I felt I had to put in the disclaimer.
And although it has nothing to do with basketball, this is my favorite one from the suit.
Nolan Ryan threw 100 mph fastballs at my head and he and Robin Ventura beat me up at the Church of Jesus Christ.
When the starters for next month’s All-Star Game in New Orleans were announced this week, there was a mini-uproar on Twitter because Russell Westbrook — the guy averaging a triple-double this season — wasn’t picked. It’s hard for me to get worked up over two-time MVP Stephen Curry getting the nod, but if you want someone to blame it was the fans’ call — they voted Curry first overall, James Harden second, Westbrook third. The players and media had Westbrook first, Harden second, but the tie is broken by the fan vote.
Enter Baron Davis with the timely joke.
We just need to tie in a Zaza Pachulia joke and it will be perfect.
The Milwaukee Bucks had lost four in a row and had slid out of a playoff slot in the East. It’s not one end of the court — in their last five games, the Bucks had the second-worst defense and fourth-worst offense in the NBA. After that fourth loss, the team held a players’ only meeting, one where Jabari Parker reportedly ripped his teammates for a lack of togetherness.
In the postgame media sessions that followed, Parker told the press he confirmed there was a meeting and said he had been “thrashed” by his teammates for what he said.
It was that speaking to the media that got him benched for a game — as decided by his teammates — reports Chris Haynes of ESPN.
Milwaukee Bucks forward Jabari Parker did not start in Saturday’s road loss to the Miami Heat for violating a team rule that prohibits disclosing locker room discourse to the media, league sources told ESPN…
Parker’s teammates deliberated and decided the appropriate punishment for the violation was to bring him off the bench against the Heat, league sources told ESPN. It was the first time this season that he did not start.
The meeting and the benching didn’t help, the Bucks fell to the lowly Heat 109-97. (Team/players meetings are overrated in how often they help teams turn things around.)
The good news for the Bucks is that in a tight East they remain just a game out of the playoffs and three games out of the five seed. It’s going to be a tough week to turn that around with the Rockets, resurgent Sixers, Raptors, and Celtics on the schedule.
Without Chris Paul and Blake Griffin in the lineup, the Clippers don’t have much going for them offensively. However, there is one thing: DeAndre Jordan can still run to the rim and dunk with authority.
Denver’s Kenneth Faried took that away Saturday.
Faried hustled back in transition, showed he still had some hops and swatted away a Jordan dunk attempt.
The Nuggets went on to win the game comfortably, 123-98, behind 19 points and 10 boards from Nikola Jokic.
The Knicks last three losses have come by a total of six points. The team is not good, a little banged up, and doesn’t play any defense, but New York also has just had a run of bad luck.
The latest example: Phoenix’s Devin Booker draining a three to knock off New York, 107-105. It was a mistake by Derrick Rose, who sagged down to the free throw line watching Eric Bledsoe with the ball coming off the pick, which led to the open pass. Also, notice that Booker set up three feet back of the three-point line — this is a trend a lot of teams and good shooters are following (watch a Rockets’ game) because it makes the closeout harder. Rose would have contested a shot at the arc, but Booker gets a clean look from where he spotted up, and drills it.
Carmelo Anthony got a shot to win it for the Knicks, but his rimmed out.