NBA finals Lakers Celtics Game 1: Your pre-emptive hyperbolic headlines

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So here we are. It’s go time. Time for the dance. Ready to rumble. A June for all the marbles (until November, at which point it starts all over again, especially if your team loses in which case you will disavow this season behind an excuse). It’s the NBA finals! And it’s Lakers-Celtics! OMG!

So before we get this here party started, we thought we’d go ahead and map out a few scenarios that will be leading tomorrow’s headlines. We’re not precognitive, we’re just precious.

: You realize if Pierce gets fouled hard tonight and goes down for a heartbeat he’s going to get it from Staples as bad as if he mistakenly called Prada Gucci. (Those brands ares still relevant, Lakers fans, yes?) After 2008’s wheelchair thing, Lakers fans can’t help but bring it up every fourteen seconds. The phrase “Pierce’s wheelchair” gets used more in Staples than “So is that a touchdown?” from the lower bowl attendees. If Pierce gets hurt and comes back, the roar of disdain will cause The Big One. And I’m not referring to a Glen Davis bowel movement.

“KOBE BRYANT IS A BAD MAN”: Here’s what’s great about Bryant. He can miss five consecutive shots in the final minute of a game, allowing a 10-0 run from the Celtics which ties it, then knock down an off-balance, fadeaway, poor-look three completely outside of the context of the actually drawn up play and will hear nothing but adulation. Bryant is untouchable as long as he hits that last one, and he can hit it with all the restrictions mentioned, with a blind fold with one leg behind his back while singing “Hakuna Matata.” Sports writers love easy storylines and “KOBE BRYANT IS AWESOME’ is a remarkably easy one.

“LAKERS ZONED OUT”: There’s almost no chance that the C’s opt to implement a zone. It’s risky, hard to execute, and weak against NBA players. That said, wouldn’t it be interesting if Doc Rivers whipped it out in the third quarter (the zone, I mean, you sicko)? To bring back nightmares of the Suns series, only with better defenders. Truth be told, the Celtics already play a version of it with man-help, where the interior defenders constantly shift to shut down the lanes while the perimeter defenders apply ball pressure. A few more cemented zones wouldn’t be the most outlandish thing in the world, and the headlines would be fantastic, if by fantastic you mean horribly cliche.

“PAU-PAU-PAU-ER WHEELS TAKE GAME 1”: Yes, that’s two ‘wheels’ jokes. What can I say, sportswriters have a thing for circles. Pau Gasol is probably due for a standout game that leaves you breathless and while Kevin Garnett is a man’s man, Pau Gasol is.. well, a Spaniard’s seven foot tall All-Star with incredible range and touch and terrible facial hair. Gasol taking over Game 1 would lead into a perfect angle of the “costar” stepping up for the “lead star” Kobe Bryant.

Also, be prepared for the following.

  • Statements from the losing side regarding the free throw discrepancy and/or crucial foul calls late in the game, even if their team was down 10.
  • Immediate columns about how the team that lost is in “trouble” despite it being only a singular game, and a million references to the odds of winning the finals if you win the first game.
  • Columns blasting the showboat behavior of a star player/defending the showboat behavior of a star player.
  • Numerous internet pieces on the movie stars in attendance and their wardrobe.
  • Randy Newman.

Enjoy Game 1 everyone! Be sure to come back later for our livechat at 9EST!

Report: Suns signing Bryce Cotton

Bryce Cotton
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Eric Bledsoe missed the Suns’ loss to the Spurs on Monday with a knee injury.

So, Phoenix is bringing in a reinforcement – Bryce Cotton.

Marc Stein of ESPN:

The Jazz waived Cotton before the season despite Dante Exum‘s injury leaving them with just two other healthy point guards. That says something about Cotton – but also Utah’s depth.

Cotton – who went undrafted out of Providence last year – is quick, varies his speed well and can leap. There’s reason to believe in his potential at age 23. But his 6-foot-1 frame limits him defensively, and he’s not much of a distributor.

Phoenix will rely on Brandon Knight and Ronnie Price at point guard if Bledsoe is unavailable. The Suns can also use fewer two-point guard lineups – giving more minutes at shooting guard to Devin Booker, Archie Goodwin and Sunny Weems.

Cotton provides insurance while Bledsoe is banged-up with what seems to be a minor injury. But he might have to show something to keep drawing an NBA paycheck once Bledsoe gets healthy.

Jimmy Butler wants Mason Plumlee to pay fine after scuffle (video)


Jimmy Butler and Mason Plumlee got into an altercation in the Bulls’ win over the Trail Blazers last night.

Plumlee lowered his head and tried to barrel through Butler’s chest on a Butler screen. Butler fell and retaliated by putting Plumlee in a leg lock, causing Plumlee to fall.

You might remember a leg lock as what Cavaliers guard Matthew Dellavedova did to Bulls forward Taj Gibson during last year’s playoffs. For all the talk then of Dellavedova being a dirty player, Butler seems particularly aggrieved after getting a technical foul, which comes with a $2,500 fine – the same penalty Dellavedova eventually received. (Plumlee got a flagrant foul.)

Butler, via Vincent Goodwill of CSN Chicago:

“He thought he was playing football for a second there,” Butler said. “Almost had to let the Fort Greene Projects out of me, Brooklyn, you know what I’m saying?”

It was said tongue in cheek considering Gibson was a few feet over and Butler wanted to draw some laughs. Gibson is a Brooklyn native and grew up in the Fort Greene Projects while Butler grew up in Tomball, Texas.

It was no laughing matter when he said he would find a way to approach Plumlee about the fine money, jokingly suggesting he would have his agent email him at “Mr. or something” and made a joke about Mike Dunleavy applauding Plumlee’s act.

Plumlee and Dunleavy are products of Duke University.

“Yeah, he cost me 2,500,” Butler said. “I’m not happy about that. Gonna ask him to pay me back and I’m not playing.”

Is that, or Or is it Dookie?

These are important questions – at least if you’re trying to turn the conversation away from your dirty play and toward your colorful quotes.

Breaking news: Leandro Barbosa dunked


The Warriors became the first team in NBA history to start 16-0.

In the process of getting that record-breaking win over the Lakers, something nearly as historic happened.

Leandro Barbosa dunked.

The 32-year-old Golden State guard last jammed in January 2011.

For a little more perspective, look how Barbosa handled a breakaway layup earlier in the fourth quarter:

You think that man can still slam?

Yes. Yes, he can.

Magic benching Victor Oladipo, starting Channing Frye

Stephen Curry, Victor Oladipo, Channing Frye
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Elfrid Payton, Victor Oladipo, Evan Fournier, Tobias Harris and Nikola Vucevic have started eight of the Magic’s 14 games, including the last three.

But after Orlando dropped two straight, Scott Skiles hinted at lineup changes.

The Magic coach will deliver against the Knicks tonight, swapping Channing Frye for Oladipo.

Skiles, via Josh Robbins of the Orlando Sentinel:

“It’s nothing punitive,” Skiles said after the Magic’s shootaround.

“It’s just we feel like we’ve got to try to find a little bit better balance. I’d like Victor to have some more opportunities like he’s had a little bit in the past where he can be on top of the floor and attack and get a little bit more vertical and not only get to the rim but just be a little bit more on the attack but not necessarily start the game that way.”

Here are the offensive/defensive/net ratings for the

  • Former starting lineup: 94.7/111.2/-16.5
  • New starting lineup: 117.2/90.3/+26.8

The new unit has played just 33 minutes in two games, so major sample-size caveats apply. But I like idea of seeing more of what has worked.

I suspect Skiles also wants to keep his players from becoming content. At 6-8 and coming off three straight seasons outside the playoffs, they should have no reason to feel satisfied, but the hard-driving Skiles will be proactive.

If Oladipo – whose defense Skiles values – can get sent to the bench, anyone can.

At some point, the Magic must determine whether Oladipo and Payton – both below-average 3-point shooters – can share a backcourt. But it’s also worth knowing whether Oladipo can excel as a super sub leading bench players.

This switch might help the Magic win now, but at worse, it’ll give them more information for evaluating their young roster. Seems smart all around.